HOLIDAYS

I really do not like November through Decemeber, as I spend all my hoidays alone.  There is Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas my birthday and new years eve and new years.  They bring back horrible memories for me . time of when everyone was together I was locked in coal bins or locked in my room alone.  On Christmas I had to watch everyone open gifts while I was just sent to my room after.. why I was treated this way is beyond me. My birthday present was usually a beating by my dad..  I have a really hard time in this season.

 

I know I have the God and I know even though I am here in my room I am not alone. it is  not that… sometimes you just like people to be around ..

I have found a small group of people I really enjoy being around, but sickness or sometimes just plain fear and panic keeps me away…  It is hard for people who have never had a panic attack to understand the fear one has to walk into a room with people in there.  These are precious people.

Due to the fact some people on here, may knowthis person I will mention no names.  But I had a really good friend lie to me.  Please tell me the truth I can handle what ever the truth is just dont lie to me.  I have been lied to all my life.  Finding out this person lied to me was devasting .  Along with lying he lost my trust and I don’t trust easy.  there are few people in my life I have trusted and most of them have in some way lost my trust.  I dont ask for perfection from people because Lord Knows Im  not perfect. but be honest and truthful with me.

Well I really pray you all have a great thanksgiviing

Compassion

The other day while working for my friend the photographer. A lady called wanted to make an appointment for a photo shoot. I could hear in her voice that she was very upset.  She said she had called other photographers and they would not help her. she explained that they were just told that her mother did not have long to live she was told she has terimal lung cancer and so they wanted to get what would be the last family portrait only the mom can not leave the  house.  By this time she was crying… well we were able to help her we will be photograghing her this saturday… but what really ment a lot ot me was I know I care about my friends and have compassion on them, but  I think for the first time in my life I had compassion for a total stranger.  My heart just went out to her, I talked with her til she was calm. I realized this is not just a job to me but a way of reaching out and really touching peoples lives. People dont understand how important family photos are til times like these.  Val the photographer is going to take extra time with her so they get all the pictures they want.. these will be valuable.  I just pray I have the chance again to show compassion to a total stranger.

I am my own worse enmeny sometimes

I have been going through a rough time with depression lately, so I withdraw and I know that I know that is the wrong thing to do and yet I did it anyway.  Yesterday I had one of the worse panic attacks I have ever had.  Did I call anyone no. even though I know there are a lot of people who care.

Today I am working both jobs , taking on this second job has been good for me it keeps me busy…..

So tell me how are all of you doing, anything exciting going on in your lives,.

Question

Here is a question for you.. It may not sound serious but it is.  I want to see what you come up with before I tell you what I mean by this

 

what does it mean to be the donkey?

Yes we need people.

I have been sitting here thinking the last few days. We need people. Yes we need God but we also need people who speak truth into our lives.  Things have changed for me recently.  I have been around people more lately and I notice a big change in my life. And now that I have been down sick I really see how much these people mean to me.  Not seeing them is leaving a big void in my life.  No ones  fault Im sick cant go around people. People would tell me you have Jesus he is all you need. Yes a thousand times yes we need Jesus. But we also need people that is why he said not to forsake the fellowship.  I even had someone not to long ago tell me that they felt very protective of me.  They will never know how much that means to me.  As most of you know I come from a past of abuse. my own dad never protected me.

Outside of being sick things are going pretty good right now.  The cancer is almost gone Praise the Lord.  I have met up with an old friend who has given me a chance to make extra money … Piano is going ok looking to get a few more students.

Hoping to make it to church tomorrow….

Halloween Pranks

Who is Your Favorite Bible Character and Why

Mine is David.  For so many reasons David was as human as they come he blew it so much, he killed. commited adultry.  but yet he was called a Man after Gods own heart.

Been Down With the Flu

Been down sick, but doing better.  Please pray for my niece Michelle though she is really sick.

I started a new Job working with a photographer, God is blessing the effort. Even at that I find myself fighting depression, some have told me that means I am not grateful for what God is doing in my life.  Im here to tell you that is not true.  I am grateful that God is blessing so that I can pay my bills get caught up on some bills it has been awful the last 6 months or so. People have helped me out and for that I am eternally gateful.  Water was turned off a group of people helped. computer crashed unfixable. or would cost more to fix than to get new one.  someone gave me one that is working like no other computer I have had. it is so fast and runs great. so see I am grateful and know that there are people out there that care about me I know that.  I am not saying poor me no one cares that is not true there are people who care. it is just that depression is a mean monster and hits at times when you think it would not because things are going pretty good.  but today as much as I am grateful for all that has happen in my life lately, I also find myself depressed.

well anyway. that is my update for today…..

This weeks Prayer Request

Seth Fong 5 month old baby who just had a liver transplant.

Pastors I know

Freddy Cortez

Chris Gleason

Dave Rolph

Oden Fong

Randall Slack (okie preacher)

Centorian

Ryan Couch

Pastor Lito

Derrell Chastien

Steve Brown

Forgive me if I left anyone out…

Ryan Berang who is deployed at sea right now.. as a Naval Chaplin.

If you have a request you  would lke to share please leave a commment

What is Grace

Here is one explanation

Gods Riches At Christ Expense.

Unmerited Favor , but what does that really mean