WELL, THINGS ARE GETTING PRETTY INTENSE. BUT HE DID ASK ME A QUESTION THAT I AM GOING TO TRY TO ANSWER. HE ASKED SINCE MOST OF YOUR HURT IN LIFE HAS COME FROM PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH YOUR OWN DAD BEING A PASTOR AND OTHER CHURCH PEOPLE DOING NOTHING TO HELP A YOUNG GIRL WHO WAS BEING BEATED AND MOLESTED BY HER DAD, WHY DO YOU STILL GO TO CHURCH, WHY DO YOU STILL BELIEVE IN GOD. HE WAS JUST ASKING ME NOT TRYING TO TALK ME OUT OF MY FAITH.
HE IS MY ANSWER. OR AT BEST MY RAMBLING. I HAVE TO BELIEVE THERE IS SOMETHING MORE THAN THIS LIFE. I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT SOMEWHERE (HEAVEN) AS TO BE AN AWARD FOR LIVING THIS LIFE DOWN HERE. THIS LIFE DOWN HERE FOR ME HAS BEEN SO AWFUL THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING BETTER. SURE I HAVE A FEW GOOD FRIENDS AND I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR THAT. BUT LIFE AS A WHOLE HAS BEEN PRETTY CRAPPY. SOME OF IT I HAD NO CONTROL OVER AND SOME OF IT I BROUGHT ON MYSELF. BUT THERE JUST HAS TO BE SOMETHING BETTER SOMEWHERE THERE HAS TO BE. IF I DID NOT BELIEVE THAT I WOULD END IT NOW.
WELL TODAY HE TOLD ME THAT HE WANTED TO MAYBE TRY HYPNOSIS TO GO BACK TO EVENTS THAT HAPPEN AS A CHILD AND RELIVE THEM . STILL NOT SURE WHAT GOOD THAT WOULD DO. I LIVED THEM ONCE WHY WOULD I WAN T TO LIVE THEM AGAIN. SOMETHING ABOUT TAKING CONTROL OF THE SITUATION. WELL I WOULD HAVE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT IT BEFORE I ALLOWED THAT. I DON’T WANT ANYMORE ISSUES IN MY LIFE I HAVE ENOUGH. I DON’T NEED ANYONE ELSE MESSING WITH MY MIND.
