WONDERING THOUGHTS.

I KEEP TELLING MYSELF I HAVE TO BELIEVE , I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT THERE IS SOMETHING AFTER THIS LIFE. TODAY I DONT KNOW. WHY IS IT I KEEP HOLDING ONTO SOMETHING THAT DOES NOT SEEM TO BE WORKING. I WANT TO BELIEVE, BUT IT IS GETTING HARDER AND HARDER TO BELIEVE.  TODAY ONCE AGAIN, A VERY BAD EXPERIENCE WITH A PASTOR. WHY DO I STAY AROUND CHURCH WHEN ALL OF MY BIGGEST HURTS IN LIFE CAME FROM CHURCH PEOPLE. I WAS ASKED WHY I BELIEVE I AM BEGINNING TO WONDER MYSELF.  THINGS WILL PICK UP FOR AWHILE THEN BAM I AM LEFT OUT AGAIN.  IF YOUR NOT GOING TO BE A FRIEND THEN DON’T ACT LIKE ONE. I HAVE FRIENDS THAT DONT EVEN GO TO CHURCH THAT ARE BETTER TO ME THAN YOU GUYS ARE. THIS IS NOT TO SAY THAT ALL PEOPLE IN THE CHURCH ARE BAD. I HAVE MET SOME GREAT ONES. THERE IS ONE THAT IS ALWAYS THERE WHEN I CALL FOR HELP. BUT OTHERS IT IS LIKE PULLING TEETH TO GET THEM TO EVEN SAY HI TO YOU UNLESS THEY WANT SOMETHING OR THEY WANT TO HURT YOU AGAIN. MAYBE I SHOULD JUST STAY AWAY FROM THE CHURCH CROWD TOTALLY, MAYBE THAT WILL SOLVE IT .  I DON’T KNOW ANYMORE ALL I KNOW IS THAT LIFE CAN NOT GO ON THIS WAY. I AM GETTING COUNSELING MAYBE THAT WILL HELP.  BUT ALL I KNOW THINGS NEED TO CHANGE AND THEY NEED TO CHANGE FAST.

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